


Regret's Remedy

by janetcarter



Series: The Greatest Adventure [10]
Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pregnancy, Snippets, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:02:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26726374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janetcarter/pseuds/janetcarter
Summary: While shopping for baby supplies, Lyta finds a pair of stuffed animals that represent a mother and a child. She never thought they would've become so important to her.
Relationships: Lyta Alexander/G'Kar
Series: The Greatest Adventure [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740013
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo, Hurt/Comfort Bingo - Round 11





	Regret's Remedy

**Author's Note:**

> For both the Bad Things Happen Bingo "Treasured Possession Destroyed" and Hurt/Comfort Bingo prompt "Loss of Possessions."

Despite being 6 months along, shopping for baby supplies wasn't something Lyta had done yet. It was far easier to pretend this wasn't happening, at least in the beginning. But even though she'd been able to avoid upgrading her own wardrobe by wearing clothes that had, once upon a time, actually been loose on her, the ship was deafeningly devoid of any signs an infant would be living there in just a few months. Plus, at this point she could no longer deny that she was running out of things to wear.

So G'Kar finally got her to visit a colony that had this sort of thing. Even if the items weren't exactly suited for humans or Narns, it's not like the baby was specifically either. And it was a start, which was better than nothing should their estimations fail and the baby arrived months before being ready. (Not that Lyta would count herself as "ready" either way, but she intended to procrastinate labor and everything it came with as long as she could.)

G'Kar was busy talking with the sales associate about first year necessities. They had a list of things from Stephen based on what he thought the baby's needs would be, which this poor clerk probably had no idea how to accommodate. But their confusion gave Lyta the freedom to explore the shop without having to actually _think._

The natives of this planet didn't carry their young the way humans did, so she was out of luck when it came to maternity wear. They were planning to split up their search among several other worlds to piece everything together, and, well, this was the closest one where the inhabitants had two arms, two legs, and walked (mostly) upright. That was good enough for finding baby clothes and whatever else.

So Lyta aimlessly looked through the displays, trying not to pay attention to how… small some of the onesies were. She wanted to think that it was just a difference in growth rates between species, because then she could rationalize away the unwelcome warmth in her chest. But then, as she toyed with a shoe that fit in her palm perfectly, she remembered how her own baby would be coming into the world and winced. If these _were_ really the right size, the weird emotions were preferable to the difficult labor she was already expecting considering the size of G'Kar's head.

Or at least, she thought she could handle whatever her heart was doing until something else caught her eye. There was this stuffed animal perched against a sales tag she couldn't read. No, two stuffed animals. They weren't anything she'd ever seen before, but kind of resembled elephants almost, just… pinker. What she assumed was the mother had its trunk curled around the baby in a yin-yang sort of fashion; two beings that should be inseparable.

"What have you found?" G'Kar asked.

She flinched and looked down to see she was holding it, soft material between her fingertips. Reluctantly, she put it back down and breathed. "Did you get the run-down?"

He sighed, looking over to the blue alien at the counter. "They were as helpful as they could be. We should be able to pick up several items on our list." He tapped the paper. "Shall we start with clothing?"

The thought of looking at the tiny onesies again made her tear up. She looked away, swallowing against the lump in her throat. "You can. I'll be right back."

She could feel his eyes on her as she retreated to the dressing room stall. She carefully sat herself down on the bench, gripping the edge as her breathing became erratic.

This was all too much. She knew it was happening. Anyone who had the faintest understanding of human anatomy could tell by the size of her stomach. But strangers on the street were probably more equipped to recognize it than she was. Hell, she was _six months_ into this and this was the first time she'd even seen a crib.

She told herself she wasn't interested, that she was going to leave the baby with G'Kar and be on her way. That's what she _had_ to believe, but…

As it turned out, that was far easier said than done when faced head-on with her reality.

Looking up, she saw a blurry reflection of herself in the mirror. Blinking through her tears, no matter how much clarity she gained she hardly recognized herself. Her hand had made its way to her swollen abdomen, absently stroking the skin her shirt just barely covered. A tiny foot kicked against her palm and any progress she'd made in calming down crumbled.

Didn't her baby deserve better?

Didn't _she?_

No. No, those weren't thoughts she could afford. The Resistance needed her. She'd already married that obligation. But she was so, so sick of other people dumping their responsibilities onto her and tearing away any scrap of normalcy she could grasp.

When would she get it through her head? Normalcy wasn't for people like her. 

By the time she finally stopped crying, her eyes were far too red, skin too blotchy, to leave without being questioned. But honestly… it wasn't like she'd hidden her breakdown well in the first place. If this place had anything she could've brought in with her, maybe she would've had an excuse for hiding away. But all she could do was hope G'Kar would keep his mouth shut.

There was a light tap on the door. "Lyta?"

She took a deep breath, once she'd managed to stand, and swung open the door to see him holding bags. With how distant she was about the whole process, she couldn't blame him for continuing on without her. But, despite the relief of getting out of the store as soon as possible, she couldn't deny the disappointment making itself more and more known.

"Is everything alright?" he asked in a voice that said he knew it wasn't.

It was almost enough to make her break down into tears again, but instead she sniffled and looked around to avoid his gaze. "Fine. I'm fine. Did you get everything?"

"Yes, you can check if you'd like," he said gently, offering her the bags.

She shook her head. "I'm sure you did better than I would've."

"You have a better eye for these things than you think. If there is anything you would like to add, we still have time."

She looked back to where the stuffed animals had been. Realizing they were gone made her heart snap in two. "No. There's nothing for me here."

It wasn't until they got back to the ship that she saw those stuffed animals, two linked as one, perched on the dresser in the baby's room.

-

Once the baby was born, sleep was in short supply. Ro's favorite stuffed animal was the mommy version of the one Lyta had seen that day, which turned out to be from the Zelia species. At first, she was kind of pissed that G'Kar had bought it behind her back, but she'd also been too relieved to do more than stroke its soft fur when he wasn't looking.

Eventually she learned that the mom and baby were, in fact, separable; only held together by the way their shapes merged. The baby version got lost quite a bit but Ro seemed to prefer the bigger one anyway, snuggling it as she fell asleep. Lyta was just glad the crying had finally stopped.

When she went to get rest in her own bed, watching Ro in the side-sleeper because as cute as the whole thing was, she still didn't want her to suffocate, she found the baby Zelia tangled in the sheets. It was still as soft as it had been when it was new.

When Ro's crying later jolted Lyta from her half-nap, she realized the stuffed animal was still cradled in her arms. She hoped G'Kar had been too busy piloting to stop in and catch her, but Lyta had more important things to worry about than being caught snuggling a stuffed animal.

-

The hardest part about the Telepath War wasn't the constant death, the agonizing injuries, or the overwhelming shadow of hopelessness. No, the hardest part by far was being away from G'Kar and their daughter.

When Lyta had left them, she took the smaller Zelia with her and left Ro with the mommy one as though it'd make up for her actual mother's absence. But the one Lyta had with her was a decent consolation at times, giving her something to hug in the loneliness of her bunk even though, no matter how tightly she squeezed it, it would never bring her back home.

Fighting this war and winning was what would. Unfortunately, war was ruthless, and one day her team came back to their base to find it all bombed out.

She felt like her heart had died in the blast. Not a single pulse was detectable in the rubble. She searched and searched for a hint of the Zelia until, on her knees and covered in ash, Lennier finally dragged her up and convinced her to leave.

The Corps wasn't done here, and she wouldn't be of any use dead.

But maybe she didn't want to be of use anymore. Maybe she never did.

-

When the war finally ended, Lyta didn't expect herself to feel so conflicted. It should've been a happy ending, an open door to go back home, but… she had trouble feeling like she deserved to be with her family. Ro didn't remember her. G'Kar had been through so much without her. She felt like--hell she _was_ a different person.

How was G'Kar supposed to love her again after everything she did? How was Ro?

Well, that'd imply they ever loved her in the first place, and Lyta wasn't exactly in the headspace to believe that at the moment.

But it didn't hurt to try making up for lost time in any way she could. So she sat at the edge of Ro's bed with G'Kar's hand squeezing her shoulder, and read from Ro's favorite book. Ro, who had grown up so much in such a short time, clutched the same Zelia Lyta had left with her before going away and looked up at her with bright red eyes. 

It hurt to think back to the Zelia Lyta had lost; it would still be here if Lyta had stayed. She would've watched her daughter grow up in the way a stuffed animal never would've. But what mattered most, G'Kar had told her, was that her family was safe. They were here beside her, and they had a whole future to built together.

Maybe, Lyta thought as she began to read from the storybook, that was something she could finally believe. 


End file.
